So, I write a LOT about overcoming adversity and daily life struggles. I want to switch it up and do a piece on when things come together; When they are right, when you are right.
Yes, on one major side of the fence, life is all about learning lessons and overcoming. The other is the in between and the aftermath. I’m the kind of person who, even through sobbing tears and heart-wrenching cries, can see the greater reason in whatever life has seemingly thrown at me. I’m most generally a pretty happy-go-lucky and positive person (not always, but most generally).
I’ve come to cherish inner peace, confidence in myself, and acceptance of everything that life has taught me. Once you achieve it, you can’t unlearn it; You can’t get away from it.
Sure, we all require a certain amount of drama in our lives. No one in this world has a drama-free life, regardless what they may claim. We all have it. I’ll be the first to admit, when I’m bored or unhappy, I revel in drama. If there is little to no drama, or problems to be solved, I’m questioning what I’m doing with my life. That being said, I can only handle so much. I’ve never been one who does well in constant states of chaos and negative energy. Even more-so, now that I’m older. I think it’s because I’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff. I’ve learned the difference of what is important and worthy of my energy, and simply what is not.
I’ve mastered the art of being my true self. If you ask many of my friends to describe me (and this has happened), they will tell you there really isn’t an easy description. I march to the beat of my own drum. I do what I want. I don’t do what I’m not interested in. I feel what I feel. I say what I say. I find interest and passion in the things that bring meaning to my life and make me think on a deeper level. I chronically analyze everything. I truly have zero regards on who likes me, or who likes what I do, or how I do it. I am me. Period.
I used to be a follower, believe it or not. I was very interested in others’ opinions and keeping up with the Jones’. I was also very unhappy. My life had little meaning of its own. I had very little love for myself (or confidence). I found pleasure in gossip and other people. I did things I absolutely hated because I wanted to be accepted. It sucked! I had no control over my own life. My perspective of myself could be crushed at the drop of someone’s rejection or critical word. My life literally revolved around everyone else, except the person who it should have–me.
Following a bad, real bad relationship, I rebuilt myself. I packed up and moved away from my hometown. I stayed single and refused to date for over a year. I combed through every single aspect of my life. If it didn’t bring me happiness or peace, if it wasn’t something I completely enjoyed and got excited about, it got left in the dirt. I figured out every. single. little. thing. in life that BETH loved and was passionate about. I removed the layers of expectations and other people’s opinions one by one, and I found myself. I found acceptance and peace with myself and exactly who I was.
I’ll tell you one thing: Once a person finds self love (not to be confused with selfishness), it’s over. No one and nothing can ever get in the way of that and destroy it. Ever. Even more powerful–acceptance.
Acceptance: Such a small, jumbled mess of letters on a page, with a meaning so large and so deep, that very few will ever learn what it means. Acceptance. And there are endless lessons that come with mastering it and its many facets.
Acceptance of self.
Acceptance of others.
Acceptance of life.
Acceptance that you, and only you, are in control of your life–your emotions, your happiness, your well being, your treatment of others, your response, your decisions, where you are in life, your thoughts, everything. It’s your life, your story. And no one else can or has any power to write it for you.
When I stopped blaming the world around me for things that happened or situations I found myself in, my whole life turned around. The fact of the matter, I made choices the entire way leading up to wherever I found myself. I made those choices. Whether it was staying too long in relationships that were detrimental to me, allowing negative people in my life longer than they should have been allowed, made poor financial decisions–at the end of the day whatever it was, there was a trail of my own poor judgement and choices.
Such a hard, dry pill to swallow, but also one of the most liberating. Once you accept your responsibility over your own life and the outcomes, once you accept that just because someone dehumanizes you or does you wrong, that if you return the favor you’re just as bad of a human and low as they are, once you give up seeing yourself as a victim to circumstances and other people, you gain all control. No one can interfere, no one can bring you down, no one can hurt you, no one can destroy you, no one can anger you, unless you allow them the control to do so. Acceptance. My life is mine.
If you’re not happy, only you can change that. Once you become happy with yourself, it’s a whole different world. You learn that you, too, are important. In fact, you are the most important. Your happiness matters, and you will refuse to let anyone or anything step in the way. Once you love and accept yourself, you’ll tolerate nothing less from the world around you. And it will not matter how the world around you thinks, feels or views you or your life. True happiness and peace within one’s self is an addiction you cannot overcome once you find it. Within it, you find your voice. You become empowered.
That’s the good through the pain.